How to Choose the Right Doula For Your Birth Experience

Choosing a doula is one of the most personal and impactful decisions you’ll make while preparing for birth. A doula becomes part of your inner support circle—someone who offers steady presence, emotional grounding, and knowledgeable guidance throughout pregnancy, labour, and the early postpartum period. With so many different personalities, backgrounds, and styles of support, finding the right fit can feel overwhelming. The good news? With a little reflection and the right questions, you can feel confident and clear about who to invite into your birth space.

The first step is getting honest with yourself about what you’re truly looking for. Some parents want a calm and grounding person who can help them feel emotionally anchored, while others prefer someone who brings upbeat encouragement and hands-on techniques. You might be hoping for strong physical support—like massage, counterpressure, and comfort measures—or you may want someone who excels at providing evidence-based information and helping you understand your options. Everyone’s needs are different, and your preferences will naturally guide you toward the doula whose style aligns with your vision for birth.

It’s also helpful to explore a doula’s training, philosophy, and experience. Doulas come from a wide range of backgrounds: some are certified through organizations such as DONA, CAPPA, or BADT; others train through traditional birthwork programs or community-rooted approaches. Many doulas also bring additional skills like childbirth education, lactation support, hypnobirthing, or postpartum care. There is no single “best” path—what matters most is that their perspective and approach feel in harmony with your values and the kind of birth experience you want.

Once you have a sense of what you’re looking for, consultation calls or meetings are incredibly valuable. These conversations give you the chance to get to know the doula’s personality and explore how they support families through pregnancy and birth. While you’ll certainly learn practical details—such as how they support clients in early labour, how they work within medical settings, and how they include partners in the process—a consultation is really about connection. Ask yourself afterward how you felt during the conversation: Did you feel heard? Did you feel comfortable? Did their presence feel reassuring? These “gut feelings” are often the best indicators of whether someone is the right match.

Practical considerations like availability, client load, and backup plans are also important to review. Birth is unpredictable, and it’s essential to choose someone who has a reliable system in place to ensure you have continuous support. Understanding when they go on call, how many clients they take per month, and what happens if they’re unexpectedly unavailable can give you peace of mind as your due date approaches.

When discussing pricing and packages, take time to understand what is included in their services. Some doulas offer comprehensive packages with prenatal visits, birth planning sessions, continuous labour support, and postpartum follow-ups. Others may include added resources like birth pool rentals, childbirth education, or ongoing text support throughout pregnancy. Having clarity around what each doula provides will help you compare your options and choose someone whose offerings feel right for your needs and budget.

Perhaps the most important aspect of choosing a doula is finding someone who genuinely supports your autonomy. The right doula does not make decisions for you or push you toward a certain type of birth. Instead, they provide information, encouragement, and grounding so you can make choices that feel aligned with your values. Pay attention to whether they listen to your preferences, respect your boundaries, and make space for your emotions and concerns. Your birth experience should feel centered around you, and your doula should be someone who helps amplify your voice—not overshadow it.

After meeting with a few doulas, take some quiet time to reflect. Who made you feel the most comfortable? Whose energy felt natural and supportive? Who listened deeply and held space without judgment? Birth is an intimate and vulnerable experience, and the doula you choose should feel like someone you can be fully yourself with.

Choosing the right doula is a powerful way to shape the atmosphere of your birth. When you find the person who feels aligned with your needs, values, and vision, you’re not just hiring a support professional—you’re creating a team that helps you feel confident, cared for, and deeply supported. Trust your instincts, trust your body, and trust your ability to choose the person who is right for you.

How a Doula Can Help You Advocate for Your Birth Preferences

Creating a birth plan is empowering—but knowing how to communicate and protect those preferences in the moment can feel overwhelming. Birth is dynamic, emotional, and often unpredictable. This is where the steady presence of a doula becomes incredibly valuable. A doula doesn’t speak for you, but they do help you stay informed, grounded, and confident so your voice remains at the center of your experience.

Below is a look at how doulas support advocacy in a way that feels respectful, collaborative, and deeply empowering.

Helping You Clarify What You Truly Want

Many people aren’t sure where to begin when deciding on birth preferences. A doula helps you explore your options—from pain management to monitoring, mobility, environment, and postpartum choices. Through conversations, evidence-based information, and gentle prompting, they help you identify what matters most.

You’ll walk into birth not only with a plan, but with clarity and intention.

Offering Evidence-Based Information

Advocacy starts with knowledge. Doulas provide research-based information on interventions, hospital policies, routine procedures, and your rights as a birthing person. This empowers you to make informed decisions—not ones based on fear, pressure, or the unknown.

When you understand your choices, you’re better positioned to speak up for them.

Encouraging Open Communication With Your Care Team

A doula is skilled at supporting healthy communication between you and your providers. They can help you phrase questions, understand medical language, and slow the moment down so you have space to think. They may gently ask your care team for a moment of privacy so you can process options without feeling rushed.

This isn’t confrontation—it’s collaboration.

Helping You Stay Grounded and Confident During Labour

In the intensity of labour, it’s easy to forget what you planned or to feel swept up in the moment. A doula acts as a calm, steady reminder of your preferences.

They might say:

• “Would you like a moment to decide?”

• “Would you like to try a different position before we continue?”

• “Do you want to revisit your preference about monitoring?”

These prompts help you stay connected to your voice, even when things are moving quickly.

Supporting Your Partner in Their Advocacy Role

Partners want to help—but they’re often just as overwhelmed by birth as the birthing person. A doula ensures partners feel confident, informed, and involved. They can remind partners of what you discussed, help them ask questions, and support them in being your advocate without feeling like the weight is all on them.

Holding Space When Plans Change

Birth rarely goes exactly as written. If preferences need to be adapted, a doula helps you navigate new decisions with compassion and clarity. Instead of feeling swept along by change, you remain part of the process.

A doula supports you in choosing the next best option, one step at a time.

Empowering You Long Before Labour Begins

Advocacy isn’t just for the delivery room. Prenatally, a doula helps you practice:

• communicating your boundaries

• asking questions

• understanding informed consent

• recognizing when you need more information

• trusting your intuition

This preparation builds confidence that lasts far beyond birth.

The Heart of Doula Advocacy

A doula doesn’t take over your voice—they help you find it, strengthen it, and use it with confidence. The goal is that when you look back on your birth, you feel respected, heard, and an active participant in every decision.

Your birth preferences matter.
Your experience matters.
And with the right support, your voice will be at the center of it all.

Doula vs. Midwife: Understanding the Difference

When you’re expecting a baby, one of the first decisions you’ll face is choosing the right kind of support. Many parents-to-be hear the terms doula and midwife and assume they could be interchangeable—but they serve very different roles. Both are incredibly valuable, and understanding what each provides can help you build a care team that feels aligned, supportive, and empowering.

What Is a Midwife?

A Registered Midwife (RM) is a medical professional trained to provide clinical care during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. Depending on the type of midwife and your region, they may work in homes, birthing centers, and hospitals.

What midwives do:

• Provide prenatal care, including check-ups, fetal monitoring, and medical screenings

• Offer guidance on pregnancy health, nutrition, and fetal development

• Manage labour and delivery from a clinical standpoint

• Catch the baby (yes, the midwife delivers!)

• Provide postpartum medical care for both parent and baby

• Identify complications and collaborate with OB-GYNs when needed

Midwives are responsible for the health and safety of both parent and baby. Their work is grounded in clinical expertise, evidence-based care, and supporting physiologic birth whenever possible.

What Is a Doula?

A doula is a non-medical support professional who focuses on the emotional, physical, mental, and informational well-being of the birthing person and their family.

While a doula doesn’t provide clinical care, their support fills a completely different (and incredibly impactful) role during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period.

What doulas do:

• Offer emotional support throughout pregnancy and birth

• Provide education on birth options, comfort measures, and coping strategies

• Create a supportive environment during labour

• Suggest positions, breathing techniques, and comfort measures

• Offer hands-on support: massage, counterpressure, breathing guidance

• Help partners feel confident and involved

• Assist with birth preferences and advocacy

• Provide early postpartum support such as feeding guidance, recovery tips, and newborn care education

Types of doulas:

• Birth doulas

• Postpartum doulas

• Abortion or loss doulas

• Fertility doulas

A doula is your steady, compassionate presence—someone whose sole focus is your experience, comfort, and sense of safety.

How Doulas and Midwives Work Together

The relationship between doulas and midwives is complementary and collaborative.
Together, they support the whole person.

Midwife = clinical care
Doula = continuous emotional + physical support

Most midwives deeply value having a doula present because it allows them to focus on medical responsibilities while the doula supports comfort, mindset, and environment. Your midwife watches over fetal heart tones; your doula watches over your breathing, your shoulders, and your sense of calm.

Do You Need Both a Doula and a Midwife?

You don’t need both—but many families choose to have both because they serve such different roles.

Choosing a midwife gives you:

• Personalized, relationship-based medical care

• Clinical expertise

• A higher chance of physiologic birth if that’s your goal

Choosing a doula gives you:

• Continuous support (midwives may need to step out, manage other tasks, or shift between patients)

• Comfort measures throughout your labour

• Education and reassurance from pregnancy to postpartum

• Advocacy and help navigating decisions

Together, they create a team that cares for your body and your emotional well-being.

Many parents find that the combination of a midwife and a doula helps them feel both safe and supported, leading to a more positive and empowered birth experience.

Final Thoughts

What matters most is building a support team that aligns with your values and helps you feel informed, confident, and cared for.

A midwife protects your health.
A doula protects your experience.

And together, they create space for a birth that feels supported, grounded, and truly your own.

Does Doula Support Matter?

I recently had a meeting with a lovely couple expecting their first baby and they asked me; “Does doula support even matter? Does it make a difference?”

I think about these types of questions a lot as I get asked them all the time, by either expecting families themselves, or even by my own family. And of course my answer is always “YES” - but I’m not just biased in thinking that, there’s proof. When expecting families are thinking about their birth journey and talking about the pros and cons and writing birth plans and envisioning their ideal birth. The thought of having a doula may go through their minds. To some, it may seem like a waste of money, especially with a new baby on the horizon. But unless you dive deeper into all the ways a doula can support you, you may not know what you’d be missing.

In simple terms, a doula offers emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual support during your pregnancy journey. But what does that all truly mean?

Pregnancy, birth, and the early days of parenting are some of the most transformative moments in a person’s life—but they can also be overwhelming, confusing, and deeply vulnerable. A doula holds space for all of it. Beyond the practical support, a doula’s presence is grounded in understanding, compassion, and a belief that every birthing person deserves to feel seen, heard, and empowered.

Emotional support means having someone in your corner who listens without judgment, validates your feelings, and helps you navigate the highs and lows of pregnancy. This might look like talking through fears around birth, celebrating milestones, or simply being a calming, steady presence when everything feels like “a lot.”

Physical support often comes into play during labour and birth—things like massage, counter-pressure, position changes, breath reminders, and comfort measures to ease discomfort and keep you grounded. But it also includes prenatal prep: discussing your preferences, helping you understand your options, and equipping you with tools that support your body’s natural process.

Mental support involves helping you make informed decisions. Doulas don’t replace medical providers—they complement them. They offer evidence-based information, clarify what you’ve been told, and guide you through choices so you feel confident rather than confused. When your mind feels clear, your experience often feels more empowering.

Spiritual support doesn’t necessarily mean anything religious. It means honouring the deeper layers of your journey—your intuition, values, cultural practices, rituals, and the meaning you personally place on pregnancy and birth. A doula helps you connect with what feels sacred or grounding for you.

Together, these layers of support create a safety net—one that allows you to show up as your most present, capable, and authentic self. Instead of simply “getting through” pregnancy or birth, a doula helps you move through it with intention, confidence, and care.

Whether it’s your first baby or your fifth, the presence of a doula isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about walking beside you, offering guidance when you need it, reassurance when you crave it, and strength when you draw from their calm. It’s about ensuring you don’t feel alone in a time when connection matters most.

If you’ve ever wondered what having a doula is really like, know this: it’s less about a list of tasks and more about an unwavering commitment to your well-being—mind, body, and heart.

Doula Support to Empower Your Journey

The path to parenthood is deeply personal and transformative. Whether it's your first time giving birth or you’ve been through it before, each journey brings its own emotions, questions, and hopes. In these moments of change, doula support offers a grounding presence—someone who walks alongside you with care, knowledge, and compassion.

At the heart of doula care is personalized support that aligns with your preferences, values, and comfort levels. Rather than offering a one-size-fits-all approach, a doula takes the time to understand your unique needs and goals, creating a relationship built on trust and respect. This connection not only eases the emotional weight of pregnancy and birth, but also helps foster a sense of calm and confidence as you prepare to meet your baby.

Ultimately, doula support is about empowerment. It’s about having someone in your corner who is dedicated to helping you feel informed, supported, and grounded. It’s about creating a birth experience that honors your voice, your body, and your journey—one where you walk away feeling strong, connected, and deeply respected.

A key part of the support a doula offers is helping you shape your birth preferences. Rather than a rigid plan, these preferences serve as a guide—empowering you to make informed choices and communicate clearly with your healthcare team. When your birth wishes are honored, it contributes to a more satisfying and affirming experience. And throughout labor and delivery, your doula works to maintain a soothing and supportive environment, using calming techniques such as gentle touch, grounding breathwork, and a steady, reassuring presence. Even in high-intensity moments, this grounding energy can be profoundly stabilizing.

Support from a doula extends beyond the birthing person—it embraces partners too. Birth can be an emotional and sometimes overwhelming experience for loved ones, and doulas help create a shared sense of emotional stability and confidence. By gently guiding and encouraging partners to be involved in ways that feel supportive and meaningful, the whole birth team benefits from a stronger connection and sense of calm.

One of the most powerful aspects of doula care is continuity. From pregnancy through postpartum, your doula is a consistent presence in your journey. This long-term connection fosters deep trust, allowing you to feel seen, respected, and valued at every stage. With this foundation, it becomes easier to stay present and connected to your body during labor, enhancing your ability to move intuitively and respond to your needs with confidence.

Doulas also play an important role in reducing anxiety. With gentle reassurance, they create emotional space for you to express your feelings and process what’s happening. This support helps ease fear and tension, creating more room for trust and empowerment. When communication with your healthcare team feels overwhelming, a doula can help you ask questions, understand your options, and make decisions that reflect your values. This bridge of communication supports not just informed decision-making, but a more collaborative and respectful birth experience.

As your needs evolve—through pregnancy, labor, and into the postpartum period—your doula adjusts their support to meet you where you are. This might include offering evidence-based information on birth options, providing suggestions for comfort measures and coping techniques, or simply offering a calming presence when things feel intense. Doulas are also a trusted source of referrals, connecting you with helpful resources like childbirth education classes, lactation consultants, and mental health professionals.

Once your baby is born, the support doesn’t end. Postpartum recovery brings its own set of challenges and questions, and having a doula during this phase can make a meaningful difference. From newborn care guidance to emotional support and reassurance, doulas help ease the transition and promote a strong, confident start to your new chapter.